Funny Retirement Quotes

Funny Retirement Quotes Sometimes we want a few 'laugh lines' for a retirement speech. Here are some quotations that you may find helpful. Some are by well known personalities - others by authors unknown.

Hope you enjoy these Funny Retirement Quotes:

  • When some people retire, it's going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference. - Virginia Graham
  • The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. -George Foreman
  • The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring. - Milton Berle
  • The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. - Abe Lemons
  • Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television. — Author Unknown
  • There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. - Robert Half
  • The down side about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.- Author Unknown
  • I have retired, un retired, and retired again all in the past 10 years. I find the biggest trouble with having NOTHING to do is . . . you can't tell when you are done. — Author Unknown
  • More Funny Retirement Quotes

  • Retirement life: seen it all, done it all -Can't remember most of it! - Author Unknown
  • When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. - R.C. Sherriff
  • Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. - Gene Perret
  • It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. - Scott Elledge.
  • Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.- Author Unknown
  • You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces...And wonder what else you could do while you're down there! - George Burns
  • Retired is being tired twice, I’ve thought, first tired of working, then tired of not. - Richard Armour
  • Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. - Jonathan Clements
  • A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.' - Author Unknown

  • I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. - Gene Perret
  • You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. - Author Unknown
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